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Operation DOLPHINWATCH

Posted by Ryan
August 2, 2010

Today was Day Two of Two of Operation Dolphin Watch.  Yesterday was Day One.  Get your Dramamine ready because this blog will consist entirely of things I learned from Captain Ken about the sea in the past 48 hours. 

 

 

  • Dolphins are not fish; they are mammals, which means they have hair and do mammal stuff like give birth and other stuff mammals have to do to be mammals.

 

  • If you say mammals out loud enough, it begins to lose all its meaning very quickly.

 

  • Dolphins can kill a shark by ramming it in the pelvic region, "like a dolphin punch to the gut" as I clarified for Charlie and Lauren.

 

  • Dolphins give birth to 25-pound babies called calves.  I have no idea how they nurse their young.

 

  • Only the female dolphins get to give birth to the calves.

 

  • Baby dolphins (bolphins) live in their mother's pouch for the first 4 years of their life, contrary to the popular belief that they are born and start swimming immediately.

 

  • Dolphins swim in pods.  Big pods are called herds and typically respond very well to me saying "OOOOOOH, there's another dolphin!"

 

  • According to Captain Ken, dolphins often get "frisky" in turbulent waters and will mate in the wake of the local sightseeing ships which "makes for an interesting conversation" when he's taking a bunch of kids out for a birthday party on the water and little Johnny realizes that those dolphins aren't fighting.

 

  • The dolphins let the dogs out.

 

  • It is physically impossible to capture a picture of dolphin on a Blackberry.  Dolphins know this.

 

  • Captain Ken refers to Blackberries as Blueberries and is 100% serious.  

 

  • Dolphins make a sound like "BLLLLELEEECHCHCCCCHHGGKGHKK" when they surface to breathe.  This is dolphin for "BLLLLELEEECHCHCCCCHHGGKGHKK."

 

  • Dolphins are always smiling, even when they are violently ramming sharks to their deaths.

 

  • Dolphins invented Floaties and passed this knowledge onto humans in the year 1743.  

 

  • Dolphins would do absolutely nothing for a Klondike bar.

 

  • A dolphin's tail flipper is called a fluke.  Only sometimes, though, if they're lucky. 

 

  • Dolphins have hopes and dreams, just like us.

 

  • My Dad swam with a dolphin once.  My Dad has swum with a dolphin.  My Dad no longer swims with dolphins.

 

  • Dolphins do not always throw themselves twenty feet into the air over the boat slow-motion Free Willy-style like I'd like them to.

 

  • Every male dolphin, upon reaching the age of 18, will go on a mission and ride a bike with another dolphin for 2 years.

 

  • Dolphins use echolocation to hunt their prey in the water, just like bats (only ocean bats, though, which, to my chagrin, we did not see).

 

  • Dolphins live to be 1,000 years old.  Every single one of them.

 

  • Dolphins, on occasion, will sport bandanas in support of Bruce Springsteen's music.  These are usually the same dolphins that wear Ed Hardy t-shirts or have a barbed wire tattoo on their dorsal fin.

 

  • Dolphins loathe a cappella music almost as much as they hate yogurt.

 

  • Dolphins will tolerate Bruce Springsteen's music sung a cappella, but not any longer than they have to.

 

  • While most do not wear eye patches, all dolphins have eyes that are independent of each other, just like a chameleon's (minus the long tongue, reptilian status, and ability to change color).  

 

  • When dolphins sleep, they shut down half of their brain and go into a trance-like state that humans call "logging."  They keep one eye open for threats in the water or on the surface, while the other eye gets shut (which is where the term "shut-eye" comes from).  When they have to breathe during sleep, the half of the dolphin's brain that is awake will tell the other side to half-roll their bodies over so they can go "BLLLLELEEECHCHCCCCHHGGKGHKK" with their blowholes.

 

  • Dolphins learned "logging" by experimenting in the 60s.
  • I know nothing about dolphins.

Ryan

Comments (34)
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Comments (34)

    GML says
    (20101220T235514Z )

    Hi Ryan. While I certainly haven't read ALL of your blogs, this tis by far the absolute funniest of all the ones i have read to date!!! I could not stop laughing out loud!!! TOO funny! Where ever, or who, did you get your sense of humor from? Do you have these things published and if so where? If not, please please please get on this. You Know laughter does the soul good like a medicine. i know you may have to tweek a few things and you have so much spare time but thats what some people get paid to do. I'm serious. Nice to meet you. There is never too much laughter and this additional talent of yours is needed in the world. i have only one question - when and where? o.k.two questions. Thank you and thank you Kathy Ahlwardt.

    Kait says
    (20101203T012406Z )

    Haha That made me laugh soooooo hard! I work at an aquarium so I really got a kick out of that! Thanks for making my day! : )

    • SNCChasers
    Dottie says
    (20101119T050259Z )

    OMGDNES, Ryan, I think this is about the funniest thing I have ever read! Or at *least* the funniest thing I have ever read that you have written! LOL

    • SNCChasers
    Diva_Donna says
    (20100810T040136Z )

    Well gee, I guess we know where you get your humor from! Waving!!! Hi Mother Ahlwardt! ;-)

    A, Penny, after what happened to that couple a bit back when the whale tried to leap into the boat with them, I'd prefer if they passed on the whale watching for now! ;-)

    Christi, eewwwwww!

    Terry Pius says
    (20100806T224724Z )

    Made it to the beach today in Cape May and the dolphins were there waiting for me. Saw them at least 2 more times, once while they were following the wake of the Thunder Cat Sightseer and jumping in and out of the waves. Great relaxing day.

    Terry Pius says
    (20100806T035047Z )

    Going Dolphin watching tomorrow. Rare Friday off and heading to Cape May for the day. Hopefully will see some "bolphins".

    jrlomy2k says
    (20100805T042625Z )

    Oh my goodness! I cried with laughter when reading this! Thanks, Ryan for the perfect "bedtime story".

    Kathy Ahlwardt says
    (20100804T014702Z )

    Ryan, you are absolutely hilarious!! Where do you get this stuff?? Oh, I remember now, it must come from all the times you were reading 21,000 Interesting Facts to us on our car trips!! Remember the crickets? For some reason you were fascinated with them!!
    See you this weekend!
    Love you, mom

    Jennifer says
    (20100804T004900Z )

    Thanks for the comic relief from what was a very crazy day at the office!

    mslorraine says
    (20100803T235905Z )

    this post deserves 5 gold stars!!!

    • SNCChasers
    S. Brandon says
    (20100803T221032Z )

    Ryan, thank you so much - this was very helpful. I never did well in science in school, mostly because it was all done by very boring teachers. It's a lot easier to learn when someone draws such great word pictures. I am, however, now a little afraid of dolphins, and also very sorry for them, since their taste in music does not include a cappella. So much for them being as smart as humans.

    Regarding other comments on your commentary, I'm thinking drugs or drink are possible, but it sounds to me as if you may be suffering from long-term sleep deprivation. or perhaps the wee-hours-sillies.

    Penny Brannon says
    (20100803T204245Z )

    That's too funny. Now, you guys have to go on a whale watch tour. Then blog and tell me what you learned. LOL

    SamanthaBari says
    (20100803T193659Z )

    Hahahha, screw shark week - look what I've just learned ;] Won't the science department be intrigued...

    Karen O' says
    (20100803T150957Z )

    Hi, Ryan...
    So glad you are enjoying "your weekend time"! Your thoughts on the world and everything/everyone in it are just priceless!
    I just wanted to tell you again how fantastic your AC show is - and how you blew me away by remembering me!
    I have been a fan of Straight No Chaser since last Thanksgiving, and have been telling everyone I know (and some that I don't know) about you. We saw you in April at the benefit concert for the Lansdowne Theater, and still can't believe how fortunate it is for us to have you perform so close to home this summer at Harrah's. After my faux-pas about Rusty (your CAT!), I went back into the SNC website and found much more information about all of you there, and about the SNC network of fans/friends. (I hadn't realized how technologically challenged I was!!)
    You are graciously sharing your journey with your loyal following, and have endeared yourselves to us in a way no one else could.
    I mentioned to Dan that it's so good to have you as examples - positive role models - for young children who are infatuated with music and the arts; and that, with dedication and work, they can aspire to be great entertainers like you.
    Our little children's summer theater group has their performances of Fiddler On The Roof Jr. this week. We play your music for the cast during rehearsal break for inspiration.
    If you would like to visit more of southern New Jersey when you have some free time, or would like to go on another boat ride (We are in Avalon. Our house is a tiny little cottage, and our boat is much more modest than the one you were on, but fun none the less) we would love to be your tour guides.(karenohar@comcast.net)
    Again, thanks for painting pictures of life with your words.
    Look forward to seeing you again soon...
    Karen

    Tina says
    (20100803T131733Z )

    Ryan, I too love your humor and take on things, and love reading your blogs. Keep them coming in your spare time..... but may I say, PLEASE PLEASE keep your day job. (or evening in your case)

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